accepting vs understanding

Today has been an interesting day.  i had things to do and was gone from about 10am until 10pm today.  i had many times where i "pondered" things throughout the day.  One of the things i noticed was that i missed talking to MASTER.  HE frequently calls me on a "normal" day.  As much as i enjoy that (and even get used to it), today it made me think that i am MASTER'S property.  HE does not have to call me.  HE can go days without doing so if HE so pleases.  i have no right to "expect" anything.  i do accept that and even embrace the face that HE may do as HE pleases yet, at the same time, it made me think.  Do i accept it only?  or do i truly understand it?  i have a need for control.  i have a need for pain.  i have a deep love for my MASTER.  These are basically "givens".  But, when i am missing HIM and missing HIS voice, do i truly understand my emotions/feelings.  The one thing i have found since becoming MASTER'S slave is that i tend to look more at myself from within.  i tend to try to understand feelings, rather than mask them or bury them deep inside.  At times, this is quite hard.  At times, i do not want to "face" certain things.  At the same time, if i do not allow my feeling to flow, i feel that i am not giving all of myself to MASTER.  It amazes me that, in the past, so many have tried to shape their slave to what they want/need vs understand that they have a slave that has its own shape.  When they need a part of such slave, all they need to do is take a "cookie cutter", use what they need and a truly responsive/obedient slave will remold what is left and wait for MASTER to need to use yet another piece of who she is.  A good MASTER also, upon using a piece of her adds "dough" to the pile so that there is always enough left to remold and maintain enough substance to keep the process going.  my MASTER is an amazing man.   To HIM i owe my all and i will work much harder to understand vs merely accept.